Recently I have been noticing a sad trend in my life. It's not that I feel my prayers go unanswered, but it's even worse than that. You see I have been getting what I pray for, but it's in some weird Twilight Zonish, sold my soul to the devil, cursed wish giving monkey's paw, be-careful-what-you-wish-for-you-just-might-get-it sort of way. I hate to be the guy who never gets over shit, so this will be hopefully the last time I mention it, but I prayed for some time off so I could do the things I like, and soon after I got laid off and have been for almost 10 months. So needless to say, even if I say I haven't lost my faith, what the hell can I do, pray for something just to have it explode in my face. Case and point, I was at the gym today and I saw this cute girl (doing the same exercises as I was) and she even gave me a seductive sort of smirk. Well she goes over to one of the club employees and talks to him, he said, "hey Jesse" and waved me over, and the girl motioned for me to take my headphones out. I was like, "damn, that's awesome she must have asked that guy what my name was so I would introduce myself to her." Well she starts talking to me about my shirt and then about school and we're having a good chat, the club guy even leaves for a few minutes. We continue our conversation, then the guy comes back a little while later with a card that he gives to Laura and she starts writing her phone number on the back of the card. I thought to myself, "fuck yeah, I got a cute girl's number and all I had to do was be in the right place at the right time!" But then the guy turns to me and says, "You know, I can get you a free session with Laura here." "Excuse me?" I said confused. "You look like you could use some help and Laura is a personal trainer here." So it's not about she wants to get to know me better, she's buttering me up so I train with her. And what the fuck was that about "I could use the help" I don't know if that meant I was fat, or I didn't know what the hell I was doing; either way it wasn't nearly as good as a phone number from a cute girl. Now suppose I had a genie and I said, "I wish that girl would give me her number" and then shit like that went down and it ended up being some fucking fat joke that I'm the butt of; I wouldn't use the lamp anymore. So benefit of the doubt; God, Buddha, Allah, Shiva, Zeus, L. Ron Hubbard, whoever my prayers are going to; had to have fucking saw that, and is probably still laughing his ass off. I'm probably on some deity YouTube getting passed around in an email to all my friends and relatives that have passed on.
It even gets weirder, so a few months ago a friend that I had only hung out with a few times, IM's me and says the guy she's seeing is breaking up with her, etc etc etc. Now I'm definitely not in a position to be giving my advice in this area, but I can lend a sympathetic ear. Well she ends up inviting me out that weekend, and generally I've never found her too attractive, but if she had the courage to ask me out, I definitely owed it to her to see where it goes. I know what you're thinking; I'm one of those guys who just sits there and bitches about girls but never has the balls to ask them out? NOT EVEN CLOSE! I've tried every approach ever concocted, every suggestion, every method I (or anyone else) can think of. In fact I think Einstein actually died from his fucking mind blowing-up trying to comprehend how the law of averages didn't even yield one prospect in the HUNDREDS of women I've tried to hook-up with. I even remember at one point it was just like a dog chasing cars, I had no idea what I'd even say if I walked up to a girl and asked her to dance and she took me up on it. I was a little drunk and I just walked up to a girl and asked her for her phone number in a night club next thing I know her (girl) friend wants to fight me and follows me back to my table and continues to bitch at me in front of my friends. Purely statistically, you would think there was some girl on the planet that wanted to go out with me, but it blows people's minds that there actually isn't. It's hard to believe but some girls even get fucking pissed when I try to talk to them. So believe me, I'm not one to make any girl feel bad about asking me out.
The days leading up she called a few times to make sure I was still in for going with her, my friend's friend even opened up a new night club and I suggested we could go there, but she was insistent that I would like her activity better. I could tell the woe-is-me act was just the way she operated, mutual friends we have warned me that she considers herself a "player" at work. But I'm a fucking dude so if some girl wants to rail me and tell her friends, I really wouldn't mind even slightly. When that girl from the "social networking" blog bragged to my friends, I was fucking Beowulf around there, people sung my praises around camp fires and held mighty feasts in my honor. Some people didn't even believe I actually even existed, so trust me, this girl could tell her friends whatever she wanted. But I could also tell that her player act was just insecurity because she's always talking about being some spinster and she's barely my age. So how could this go wrong, she asks me out, she makes it a point that I go, she doesn't let me change my plans. Well, we meet up, and she has a fucking other dude with her, I guess over the course of the week she got set up with another dude by one of her friends. And I spent most of the night talking to her friend who was married or in a relationship, something; if it wasn't me that I was talking about, I would wonder how in the fuck this could even go wrong! No matter how you slice it, that's awkward, for me and for the other guy to have another single guy there.
So what is it? Bad karma? I'll never fucking know, but it's just crap. This reminds me of another time I had the dumb ass idea to ask a platonic girl friend "what am I doing wrong?" She was a girl at my work and I knew she was happily married, but she had the exact same Starbucks drink order as me and so I was fast friends with her. But we had only known each other for like 2 months and I let the, "what am I doing wrong?" question slip out when we were talking over lunch one time. Well she rattles off like 20 things without even pausing. I was almost sick: I'm fat, I lack confidence, I am messy, I don't shave properly, I'm short, I flirt too much, I don't flirt enough, I am an alcoholic, I have freckles, my hands shake sometimes, I'm too nice, I'm inconsiderate, I'm selfish. It's like she had a fucking list already made, just on the off chance that I would ask, "what is wrong with me?" You know, I may not be the nicest guy in the world but I at least think for the most part people are okay just the way they are. But shit, if girls I'm friends with have that list going, who knows what strangers and girls looking for guys think. Feel free to give me any advice you want, but I guarantee I have heard it all before so it may not be even worth your time. I am who I am, and when I try to be someone else, it just seems too fake so what can I do? But all of you who have become discouraged in love, just remember this, "you can't possibly strike out with a girl who calls you up out of the blue and MAKES YOU CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PLANS AND INVITES ANOTHER DATE AND DOESN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU THE WHOLE NIGHT"... THAT IS UNREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAALLL!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment