Here is the link to the "I Pledge!" video I am having problems embedding this and I'm brand new at this so if you haven't seen it please right click>open link in new window or copy and paste into another tab or come back to this, whatever; point is I appreciate you looking at my blog and I'd hate to see you navigate away:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqcPA1ysSbw
Thank God, P. Ditty will turn off his lights, everything is going to be okay America! You know what they say, "Every time a multi-millionaire record producer makes an half-assed promise to do something that most people just do anyway; an angel gets it's wings!"
Now, I'm pretty late to comment on this so many people have already pointed out that the president serves us not the other way around, the fact that if this was about any other president people would say it's sickening propaganda, and the fact that 'why couldn't you pledge civil service before.' All of these things are very good points so I don't want to beat a dead horse but I just want to say I especially agree with the last point. Where the fuck were these people last year? George W. Bush wasn't the most well-liked president in history, sure; but that doesn't mean that we don't need to do our parts just the same. These guys are just like those football players like Brandon Marshall that sound like a butt-hurt Droopy Dog and say, "*sniff* *sniff* I don't like my coach and so I'm going to be bad until I get traded and then I'll be good again and they'll be sorry." Well shit doesn't work that way, how you do anything is how you do everything. If you don't help out unless Obama is in power, you are worthless, what if Obama isn't the fucking superhero these Hollywood guys make him out to be? Well then fuck, looks like P. Ditty will be turning his lights on again, and nobody wants that.
Okay so let's say that this video wasn't about politics and it was just some organization where they made up some acronym for P.L.E.D.G.E. or something, this video would be very pleasant. In fact the first few minutes are pretty... well nauseating... but has a good message. But then I am like, "Did that fucker just kiss his biceps and call them Barack Obama?" and then all of a sudden I'm on a very strange taxi ride and I say, "hey this is where you stop, hey you need to stop here, this is where I want to be, please... just stop... uh oh where is this thing going?" and then I'm in a very strange place. Now I consider myself to be a moderate, I can't really commit to a two party system, on the other side I can't expect that I get the a la carte system of my choice, but I don't think I need to support a party that does one thing I agree with and two things I don't. That being said, I am one of those votes that just lingers out there waiting for someone to speak to me. Do you know who doesn't speak to me? The "I-Want-Obama-Inside-Me" liberals that I thought would go away when the election was over. I wish for a simpler time when we didn't worship our presidents before they were even sworn in. I applaud Americans on both parties who have the dignity to think about positive and negative implications of the actions of their parties. I have no respect for anyone who gave Obama praise before he even took office, according to Ashton Kutcher they played this for Obama at his inauguration... seriously? What was that quote about the president being the loneliest person... or whatever... sorry, I was too busy gagging when I saw that so I didn't get a great look at it. Explain to me why before his first day in office it was the loneliest job?
Alright well enough about politics, but here is another thing, I thought we got rid of the "listening to celebrities about politics" phase we went through for a while. I would love to know why Ashton Kutcher thinks he is the person who needs to tell people what to do. Didn't you used to be a fucking underwear model? I do know for sure that you played a bafoon on T.V. and then hosted a different T.V. show and proved to everyone that you were the exact same person in real life as you were on That 70's Show. It's called opportunity cost, you make money being a lovable idiot and you had a great time pranking Cierra and Kanye West; but after you do that, you can't expect educated people to take you seriously. For instance: I had a friend who worked at a cell phone kiosk (you know the ones that see you talking on your phone and ask what kind of phone it is and try to offer you a new one); well he got free phones, good money, got to goof off all day. But when he wanted to hang out with me and some of his other friends, we'd have to say, "Dude, I'm sorry but you are a fucking cell phone kiosk guy, you bug the crap out of people, we can't hang out with you in any part of this town." Sad but true, it's for this same reason that people don't take Green Day seriously when they try to wax political; you guys have two songs about masturbating, you can't seriously be expecting a Nobel Peace Prize nomination soon.
It's a sick catch-22, and believe me I can sympathize, that you are just movie actors and you don't want to be bugged on the streets, but at the same time you have access to the press and they are always willing hear what you have to say, if you want to say anything. So I can sympathize but it's a real Pandora's Box when you try to have your cake and eat it too. Benefit of the doubt, I get a phone call from Demi Moore about a pledge video, I say, "sure, I would like to make a video about my pledges to encourage civic responsibility." I do my pledge and they roll out the video and I see that I'm on right after the bicep guy and then I call up Demi again, "hey Demi, I know I don't have any creative control over this but, I was thinking maybe not being right after the bicep guy... maybe I could be after Michael Strahan... or anybody else besides the bicep guy?" And then I call up Harpo and ask to talk to Oprah, but you can never talk to Oprah, so I get the run around and they tell you that they are done editing it and they already sent it to the party headquarters. And now I am lumped in with Ashton, Demi, and the bicep guy, when I only wanted to plug my charity. So I am not holding any of this specifically against the celebrities in this, but some of you have to know you painted a huge target on yourselves.
Correct me if I'm wrong (that's a figure of speech, I really don't want you to correct me), I thought I saw Dakota Fanning in there, I think it's kind of strange to exploit her, I don't know how old she is but I'm pretty sure she couldn't vote in this election and can't re-elect Obama next election. It's a shame that they would make a beautiful young girl like that drink the Kool-Aid with the rest of those nut jobs. And Jamie Presley? Maybe your pledge should have been not to urinate in public... on a crowded street... during the day... Well I mean, I thought, for a chick, that was cool but once again, I'm never going to ask, "What does Jamie Presley think about the current events today?" Okay and bringing awareness to mental disease? Who the fuck is not aware that there is mental disease out there? And for that matter who are these celebrities to say they are going to "help" solve Alzheimer's and autism? Are you going to get an advanced neurology degree and do the lab work and get this shit done? No way, you are going to do a few commercials about it and put your face on the problem so if we do find a cure, everyone can say, "good for you, you really did a great job curing autism!" When I doubt any of these scientists pulling 20 hour days, not sleeping, not eating right because they just stumbled on a breakthrough, even get to meet those celebrities.
My ultimate WTF has to go with the slavery part... I'm sorry, fucking slavery? Not only to abolish slavery but one million slaves freed in 5 years? I doubt 1 in 300 Americans is a slave, so are we supposed to get slaves so we can free them? And it's actually kind of weird that they would even say something like that, I mean Ashton... do you have slaves? Do you know somebody who has slaves? If a kid in your class says, "I wish daddies would stop hitting mommies" you kind of have to think that's a strange hypothetical scenario and might hit close to home... and maybe that's why they brought it up. Because that's been illegal for quite a while now, in fact you really don't have to pledge it, you can (and should) report that to the police. It's pretty common knowledge that it's unethical, immoral, and illegal; saying it should be done away with in 5 years brings up some warning flags. I heard a few people say, "no dumbass, they are talking about in other countries." Well we sure hit one out of the park every time we decide to enforce our laws in other countries. And we can always count on Hollywood celebrities to have our back when we invade other countries. I'll just go to Myanmar and say, hey Ashton and Demi said these slaves have to be free. I'm sure they will understand.
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