Things to do in Denver when You're Undead

I don't get it, I love Halloween but I'm not looking forward to this one as much as I should. My aunt is making me an awesome costume, and finally I decided to have a scary costume so all the elements are there. But I got invited to 3 parties that I'd like to go to and they are all on Saturday. Now, usually I would go to the one I'm most likely to score at. But of course my definition of "scoring" has become very PG lately so I'm not even expecting much anyways. But all 3 of the parties are a total wash anyways since the L.O.S. (likelihood of scoring) percentage is less than 5% at each of the three parties. I guess it doesn't matter too much, because like my dick is actually afraid of girls now due to some horror stories I've observed over the week. But how many girls are "fake Facebook marriage" weird? Now is as good of a time as any to get over my fears I guess.

So I could go to my cousin's house, but I'm going to know every girl that will be there and if any of the past parties are any gauge most of the girls have in mind who they want to hook up with when they walk in the door. I don't think in my life has a girl ever shown up at a party to get a piece of ol' JKon, at least not since when I went to ASU. Now-a-days my L.O.S. goes up when a girl's B.A.C. goes up. Judge me all you want, I have glaring personality and physical defects; I get a fucking handicap, okay? But anyways, I'm "homies" with everyone (to a point) that would probably be at my cousin's house. But man, Halloween, New Years, Weddings and my birthday are about hooking up with chicks. It's like God said, "Here is a break, you can on one day of the year wear a mask until girls are drunk enough not to realize you are the obvious 'bad catch' of the night." NOT capitalizing on that would be like slapping God in the face. So my cousin's house would be very fun but it's more friend fun; but this is one of the 3-5 days a year when I have a leg up.

So party number two, the popular kids from my high school. Well I ended up catching back up with them through mutual friends and became a lot better friends than I ever was in high school, with the select few. You see I was like the biggest nerd in junior high and probably like the 3rd or 4th biggest in high school. In fact I went 4 full years saying only what was absolutely necessary because I was so sick of being the kid getting his ass kicked (as I was in junior high). One of the girls that went there thought I was mute and started signing to me, it was ridiculous, but a lot better than getting sucker punched when I walked out of shop class like I was used to. While I really like seeing the ones I was friends with, but most of the other people just remember I was a nerd and not the person you want to talk to. So I will have the whole night of talking to like 5 or 6 people who are very uninterested in what I have to say anyway. My popularity with the ladies will be the same level as when I went to high school, non-existent (which is a little better than it has been the past 3 years).

So the third party was with an old work friend, I was kind of surprised because she never seemed to like me very much. Well actually it was more like she didn't have any friends at her new job which she started like a couple months before me. So then I started talking to her and taking her to lunch. Well then all of a sudden when she was hanging out with me, other people started realizing she was fun. So then she kicked me to the motherfucking curb when she got more popular than me. But putting that behind me, I was like, "Damn, she really extended the olive branch there." So you know, burying the hatchet was a high priority to me. Even though there wouldn't be hardly any girls there, I would have just wanted to say hi and have a beer or 2. Well I see that lady on chat and I said, "hey I was thinking of stopping by if your party is early enough." She says to me, "cool" without any punctuations lower case. The only time you say that, is when it is NOT COOL. Why would this party be in contention? Because it's been almost a decade since I crashed the fuck out of a party. You don't want me there so bad, you're going to get me there, RUINING YOUR TIME! But that sounds like a lot of work, and I have to have a bunch of people with my back so I can be a dick... More trouble than it's worth to crash parties, especially when I actually got invited and have other parties to go to.

So what is the other idea, since these all fall on Saturday I need to find something to do on Friday and whenever, I mean it's the least I could do because I have 2 people besides myself helping me with this costume. So go to bars with costume contests? Ehhh... maybe, you know what sucks about them, is that they take forever and you have to be there with your costume on and fixing it as it falls apart all night... so you can lose to some douche bag regular who bought his costume at the store. I swear I've had three costumes where all night I heard, "you're going to win, that costume is awesome." And then I get whatever place you don't get shit (for instance if there is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd I'd get 4th; and if it was only a 1st prize I'd get 2nd). I remember one time I wanted to call shenanigans, this fucking lady was a "corpse bride" but she didn't have any teeth and looked like a meth-head before so the only part that was an actual costume was the wedding dress. Who knows though, maybe the Great Pumpkin, Jack Skellington, or God will throw me a bone this year (both with scoring and costume contests) but I really doubt it.