Temporary Hiatus so I can get my Foot out of my Mouth...

I'm a dick, I admit it. I got so pumped after a few people had told me they really enjoyed the things I wrote and then they said they were going to tell their friends about it, etc. I got too excited, but I realized my newest entry was almost a month old (generally people read the newest entry and not older entries, not that those are really topical right now anyway). So I decided to write about the balloon boy and his family. After long hard work, proving that the family wasn't just seeking publicity; researching, thinking of witty things to say, then less than 3 hours after I finished it they admit it was a hoax. So I look stupid and why? Just for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. So struggling to make this NOT the last post that people would see if they visited I hastily did a stupid story about people who lie when it doesn't make any sense to. Then I thought how stupid that story was and so I made another story about my plans for Halloween. At least I got to use some jokes in it, but I drew from personal experiences and I made fun of a friend who totally didn't deserve it. There are generally 13 people who read these things unless it really takes off and then it's in the 30's (I get statistical reports that tell me how many people read this). I knew it wasn't going to take off, it was just a Band-aid I put over a story that made me look like a jackass and another that was really stupid.

So an innocent victim of my rant was a lady who invited me to her party, but I got rubbed the wrong way when I told her I would try to make it to her party and she said "cool" just like that with no punctuation all in lower cases. I interpreted it as, "You got a pity invite, I don't want you to come that much anyway." Well she was one of the lucky 13 who was reading this and after I spent a paragraph talking shit about her; I was shocked that she reads this, every conversation I've ever had with her has been about how she doesn't give a shit what I say or what I do. I'm fucking baffled that someone who went to such lengths to prove she didn't care if I fell of a fucking cliff each day READS this. My best friends don't even read this, well one of them does, but my Dad doesn't even read this. So I'm wondering if her friends maybe tipped her off, but I don't use her name and only a few people besides her would be able to make the connection. Or it wasn't her, but it sounded like something she'd say, and I got uninvited from that party real quick. I know so little about women, she could even have been a closet fan and it wasn't until I fucking blew it did I even realize this. It also could be that she was just bored and decided to look at it and it was just unlucky she got this one.

I apologized and I am totally in the wrong and what I did was totally wrong. But I need to defend myself a little; I was only sticking up for myself. Right now especially I'm a very easy target, people know they can treat me like garbage at any time and they will still maintain the upper hand. I don't have a job and even when I did, I was on the cusp of there being one thing I could say or one thing I could do and they would never talk to me again. I may be a total dick, but I'm at least enough of a friend as to where I can forgive people for doing things like this to me. In fact the lady in question used to do "impressions" of me and I confronted her and she said, "I thought we were friends and you could trust that I wouldn't do something like that." And then her friends and my boss told me what the impression was; even though it was some weak ass bullshit about how I say 'like' too much, that shit still hurt. I didn't want to work in the office for a few days after that. And so she did an impression of me and lied to my face about it, and it was like she didn't think I could ever figure it out, but her friends told me what it was even. But I let that slide, because it's not worth making an enemy over, life's too short. But now it's like, I don't really bring anything to the table so even more so than before I'm forced to just let people say whatever the fuck they want to me. Your party sounds fun, "cool, just don't hang around too long it's more of a pity invite"; did you like the present I got you, "It's not something I'm into." That shit hurts, and I have no recourse, you're just preying on someone who can't do anything about it. That's what I hate most about being an unproductive member of society is that people will use any avenue and every excuse they can to not be your friend; to distance themselves from being the one who should be helping or saying supportive things or shit even feeling sorry for them.

Okay but this is supposed to be an apology also so sorry for having to bring up old shit to prove my point (not that I think she will continue to read this after what I did). But if you are, I wouldn't ever crash your party, that was a joke. I was very flattered you gave me an invite to your party and I genuinely did think it would have been fun. Ugh, and again happy birthday (yes, I am dick, I already know). But I personally promise even if there is no way they could actually stumble upon this I will never again make fun of someone I know personally (I might still make fun of people I don't know, but it won't be personal, just situational). I also am promising that I won't rush to put things out just because it's been a while. I'm going to wait until shit's suspenseful and actually worth reading... starting after this post. So that being said I will be postponing my blog indefinitely until I find something good to write about.