Okay so I signed up for a Business Ethics class and I saw it was being taught by a family friend, the son of one of my mom's friends. I thought oh, well there is my icebreaker right there, our parents know each other. Well the first thing he said was for us to introduce ourselves to the rest of the class and mentioning that our parents know each other was my little fun fact to share; at smaller universities they have you introduce yourself and tell something about yourself and this was it. He then said, "I hope you're not expecting any preferential treatment... I'm just joking." It sure as shit didn't sound like he was joking, I got one of those, "Oh it looks like you're upset by that" just kiddings; like if I would say if I said something to a friend that was way over the line like, "Dude, are you sure your dad isn't gay... heh... just kidding... he's a cool guy." And as for preferential treatment, in the words of Super Mario, "fuck-a-you-face," I don't even know what the fuck preferential treatment means, I had to look it up. As I am driving on bald tires, in a car that isn't safe to drive when it's sunny out, and poking my head through the open window while it's snowing because I don't have defrost because the heater coil is busted tomorrow; I will at least have one thing going for me... I can count on the fact I won't be getting any preferential treatment in a class I'm paying somewhere around $1,000. You know it's really a relief, you know I'm so super fucking famous and rich and influential and have so much clout; it is soooooo nice to know that finally I will be treated like a normal person. Thank God!
So the whole class goes by, everyone can say any dumbass thing that pops into their head and he gives them the benefit of the doubt. Every time I say something he shoots it down like an incoming missile from planet jackass. Even when we broke into our small groups he looms over me; and just says how stupid everything that I say is, and does the thing where he stops the other groups from talking just so he can explain how EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A FUCKING ETHICS CLASS SOMEHOW I AM WRONG! Yes, somehow he can explain how Ken Lay from Enron is right; but somehow you can't ever manage to find that even on some fucking parallel universe that I could be right about any one thing. My group even was pissed at me because he was zeroing in on what I said and we couldn't get any work done. One of them was like, "We are never going to get this thing done because we have no privacy." And on top of that my first two assignments were obviously solid A papers but I was getting B+'s. So I worked my ass off, three full days on this bullshit paper... B+ and he even says, "Nobody got below a 17.5 on this one, you all did great." Well I have a 17.5; now I knooooowww I am not the worst one in this class, there were like 4 people who turned it in late. Then this girl starts talking to him on one of our breaks about some figure skating competition or something and she says, "Well I kind of got screwed because I went first so I got a 5.5 from everyone." I was like, "Really? I didn't know they did that." And he chimes in, "Oh yeah, that's how I grade papers, I give someone a B+ and then if the other papers are better I grade them higher and if they are worse I grade them lower." I thought to myself, "It would suck to be that guy, because I write A papers... WAIT A MINUTE!" It all made sense, I'm the B+ guy, he wanted to go so far making sure I'm not getting preferential treatment. I was so close to bumping up my GPA to 3.75 too. And I know how my luck is I won't just get an automatic B+ on my final; he's going to do the nitpicky ass teacher thing of saying, "You didn't stay on topic so much," or "You didn't fully answer this stupid part of this question." I know that is just a hateraide teacher move, how the fuck can you stay on topic if you have to write a 5 page paper on a paragraph long case study? And as for, "You didn't answer the question fully," that is another cheap ass "I don't like you" attack because if you thing about it you can't ever fully answer any question unless it's a yes or no question. Think about it, "In the AIG scenario would it be better to use a Kant, Friedman, or Utilitarian position in this instance?" No matter what you say, I can say, "You didn't answer the question fully" or "good answer" depending how I am feeling.
Unfair teachers can suck 2 dicks at the same time for all I care.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Making Halloween... la la la
Okay so I thought I'd post my pics of my costume up on this so that maybe curiosity would bring people to my blog... which is shameless and sad but that's the way it goes. But I did post it right at the top so you don't need to read this unless you want to see the detail that went into it (even if nobody likes this costume you can at least see the work I put into it). By the way, taking a picture of myself with all that shit on, pain in the ass, that's why it didn't turn out so great. So firstly the inspiration for my costume came from many different sources; mainly a horror movie that I rented at the video store in early October called Trick 'r Treat and in this movie was a pint-sized patron of Halloween called Sam, who oversees Halloween traditions or something. But I decided that the burlap mask with an exaggerated smile was the way to go. It's very strange I made many changes to the costume (he is on the cover of the movie so you can look at Amazon) but it actually ended up to be almost identical to the Sam from the director's (Michael Dogherty) short film that inspired the movie. It's just a coincidence, I didn't see the short film until the cowl was done, but it's funny to me that all the ways I reverse engineered it were the ways that they improved it for the movie.
But anyway, I call this costume "The Bad Man" and as I hope to spray paint it on the costume just as some sort of sacrilege to this character. I had a few people asking me what it was and I didn't know how to explain it, but then I thought of a back story for this creation. Thinking back to a T-Shirt Hell shirt that said, "I'm here to kill you, you should have kept that chain letter going" I decided to make this guy the guy who comes and kills you when you throw out chain letters. To me that's just a hilarious idea! But when I was making the concept sketches I was going for a combination of the Sam mentioned before and Scarecrow from Batman Begins but I wanted to make it my own creation. Now inevitably things change from when you have an idea and when it's finished; so if you think this looks like Jason Vorhees from Friday the 13th: Part II I really can't disagree with you, but that's just sort of how it turned out.
Okay so above are the stockade style handcuffs, I didn't want real handcuffs because I wanted this to have the overall feel of vigilante justice, no trial just judge-jury-executioner. I also wanted to make sure their weren't any sort of racial connotations as some might attribute to someone being hung; this isn't supposed to be any sort of message, just a scary costume. I think that handcuffs would show that he did something wrong (or someone thought he did) and not just some random violent act. It also speaks to the idea of he's a perceived threat still even while being hung. Me and my Dad decided to use oak since we had some there. The table saw cuts were easy enough but then cutting the circles proved to be like cutting fucking diamonds, we first thought we could just eyeball it and trace circles but the first piece was disastrous. We then decided to measure it; my wrists have room to breathe with 2.5" in diameter; the board was 13" (creepy) so 2.5 x 2= 5 13-5=8 so 2" from each edge and 4" between the hands.
Here's the noose; it's like a faux-manila rope but it was a little thicker than manila and didn't look too shabby unless you were really close. We walk in the hardware store and the clerk asks us, "How much do you guys need... let me guess you're making a noose, right?" We were sort of surprised and the guy asks how big it needs to be and how much hanging off at the end. Now I've had practically auditions for people to tie the noose since I can't do it; and this guy whips a perfect noose faster than most people tie their shoes. He then undid it and went to write up the length and ticket and saw us with our jaws still hanging down and he asked, "Do you want me to tie it again?" "Sure," I said. I thought it was best not to ask how he was so good at tying nooses, but I did ask what he thought I should do to make sure I don't accidentally get hung and he put a finishing nail into the knot so it wouldn't slide. If it's up to me I'd like to not actually be lynched on Halloween.
Here is the cowl that my aunt sewed for me, as you can see there is a menacing smile and one of the eyes is cut out; it couldn't have turned out better. Note there is a lining too, so I don't have to have burlap on my face... which would suck! But we were considering dirtying it up by putting it in a bag with coffee grounds but it was good enough as it was so we left it. I also considered finding a hat but then it would be exactly like Scarecrow from the Batman comics. I also put my mind into The Bad Man and I realized he's so revenge crazed he hasn't completely gotten out of his hand cuffs or the mask; he wouldn't probably be looking for a hat, his priorities are revenge, revenge, and revenge!
So I put blood around the eye, so as to show he had to claw or cut out the eye hole and so putting blood around it was the way to go. There is nothing scarier than bloody eyeballs to me so it's a persistent theme in my costumes. I was trying to be conscious of not putting too much blood on his eye, I think people go overkill with the blood in their costumes. If you really think it needs more blood let me know but as it stands I'm pretty content with it. By the way that's a tube of $3.00 fake blood, worth every penny in my opinion. And the jacket I got at the thrift store and washed it... twice!
I decided to paint the clothes because if you go to a costume contest and you have a "unique" costume you are just a free joke for the douche M.C., "And then we have... whatever the fuck this guy is. Ha ha ha ha." I was also thinking it would be creepy if someone spray painted a guy presumably hanging. But my policy is no freebies from me! Now it's very hard to read but this is the best I can get it. Never again in my life will I try to paint fabric with spray paint, this is a one time deal. So I'd like to thank Catie for sewing the cowl, my Dad for the hard cuts and many other things, and the hardware store guy for helping me put this together!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Getting by with a Little Help from my Friends...
So after ending Wednesday with a hadouken of guilt I was in a bad place. But then as Thursday wound down I got a round-house kick to the face of supportiveness from my friends, which lead to a concussion of inspiration. To date this is one of the first hiatuses that I've come out of swinging as usually that is a death sentence for any project I'm working on (R.I.P. my stand-up comedy career, Zeitgeist, 13 novels, and several Squaresoft games). It was then that I realized my duty is to the people who like my blog, and not to the people who don't like me anyway. The apology still stands, I was very much in the wrong but if she doesn't want to put down the bottle of Hateraide and join me on this side of the fence; well that's her problem. So now this is behind me. I would like to thank the many friends and family that wrote and called me yesterday telling me to keep this going! I still stand by the idea that I really don't need to trash my friends; good friends or bad, whether they read this or not. I also don't need to just put up a blog to put one up, I will try in the future to not put anything up unless it's at least compelling enough for me to think someone wants to read it.
A lot of people like the way I keep it real even if it makes me look bad; it's one of the things I think people respond well to. I'm not like a masochist though, it's more of a thing like I can either internalize this and let it tear me up, or I can release it to the world. This is not only to let it go quicker but it also makes it a funny story that I can laugh about, and hopefully make someone else laugh; by the point I usually am sharing it, I've already learned the lesson so it really doesn't do me any good but if it makes for a funny story it may cheer someone else up. And so back to not trashing friends, you may not know this but when I hurt someone's feelings I probably feel worse than they do. My art is making people happy and making people laugh (wow, this time it was Falco rolling over in his grave, I didn't see that coming).
Some people seem to have difficulties understanding what to make of the "women trouble" themed ones; they are meant to be funny so if you feel sorry for me, well that's understandable but not the intention. I know a lot of really good guys who have just as bad of a time on the singles scene as I do and so it's also kind of to help us laugh it off. But in recent days I've thought of a metaphor for dating; dating is like shopping for a house (not really in today's economy but you know like pre-bubble and pre-housing collapse). My real estate agent would take me to houses and say, "Wow this is nice," and I would say, "No I don't like it," and then she'd say, "You're right this place sucks, let's go." I was a little unsure of what to make of that but then I started to realize it's 1 part insincerity and 2 parts feeling me out. What I didn't understand was that people have different things they look for in houses; and rushing me into a house I didn't want really wouldn't benefit anyone. For instance I went into a house that was in a neighborhood that I picked out because it was close to the light rail,and it had the floors torn up and my first thought was, "Have the owners killed and burn this place to the ground for WASTING MY TIME!" (not really, I just thought it would be funny to just be super melodramatic about a house with no floors). But it sure as hell wasn't what I was looking for, I ended up selecting a condo that was already painted and designed with a unique style from all the other condos in the complex. But the house with no floors sold even quicker than the one I picked out, because some people want to redesign the house, and with the floors torn up, it just saved them a step. Some people thought it was weird I picked a house with a style that wasn't really one that said "JKon" but I wanted one that was unique. So I guess you could get all Freudian and try to figure out what I like in women by that, but I don't know if it's quite a solid enough metaphor for that. But the point is that you can get a girl that's out of your league; just like you can buy a house that is financially above your means. But why would you want to? You will probably end up putting more work into making her happy than you would just finding someone you can enjoy. And the girls that have creeped me out recently are like the houses without floors; they are probably right for someone but not me.
So this is my second housing/love metaphor I've used in my life (the other one was my best man toast). And I realized for several years I was treating women like they were lifeboats; I just had to find one and then I would be good and I would just grow to like it. Because I had a strange equation in my head, "Chicks have boobs; boobs are awesome; therefore all chicks must be awesome." But I realized recently that some chicks are so unawesome that they kind of negate the awesomeness of their boobs. So all this time I kind of thought there was something wrong with me and so I just wanted to find out what was wrong with me (which as most women will tell you is a LOT of things). But hey, there has to be someone who would find something they like about me and who knows they might like me for some of the "flaws" I have; I just haven't found her yet. And I noticed that looking for Ms. Right is kind of a wasted effort; I think I'll just know her when I find her. But I don't think that will stop me from misunderstandings, mixed messages, getting dissed, etc. that you have all come to enjoy.
ENOUGH OF THIS MUSHY SHIT! WHO WANTS TO CRASH A HALLOWEEN PARTY?!? Hahahah just kidding!
A lot of people like the way I keep it real even if it makes me look bad; it's one of the things I think people respond well to. I'm not like a masochist though, it's more of a thing like I can either internalize this and let it tear me up, or I can release it to the world. This is not only to let it go quicker but it also makes it a funny story that I can laugh about, and hopefully make someone else laugh; by the point I usually am sharing it, I've already learned the lesson so it really doesn't do me any good but if it makes for a funny story it may cheer someone else up. And so back to not trashing friends, you may not know this but when I hurt someone's feelings I probably feel worse than they do. My art is making people happy and making people laugh (wow, this time it was Falco rolling over in his grave, I didn't see that coming).
Some people seem to have difficulties understanding what to make of the "women trouble" themed ones; they are meant to be funny so if you feel sorry for me, well that's understandable but not the intention. I know a lot of really good guys who have just as bad of a time on the singles scene as I do and so it's also kind of to help us laugh it off. But in recent days I've thought of a metaphor for dating; dating is like shopping for a house (not really in today's economy but you know like pre-bubble and pre-housing collapse). My real estate agent would take me to houses and say, "Wow this is nice," and I would say, "No I don't like it," and then she'd say, "You're right this place sucks, let's go." I was a little unsure of what to make of that but then I started to realize it's 1 part insincerity and 2 parts feeling me out. What I didn't understand was that people have different things they look for in houses; and rushing me into a house I didn't want really wouldn't benefit anyone. For instance I went into a house that was in a neighborhood that I picked out because it was close to the light rail,and it had the floors torn up and my first thought was, "Have the owners killed and burn this place to the ground for WASTING MY TIME!" (not really, I just thought it would be funny to just be super melodramatic about a house with no floors). But it sure as hell wasn't what I was looking for, I ended up selecting a condo that was already painted and designed with a unique style from all the other condos in the complex. But the house with no floors sold even quicker than the one I picked out, because some people want to redesign the house, and with the floors torn up, it just saved them a step. Some people thought it was weird I picked a house with a style that wasn't really one that said "JKon" but I wanted one that was unique. So I guess you could get all Freudian and try to figure out what I like in women by that, but I don't know if it's quite a solid enough metaphor for that. But the point is that you can get a girl that's out of your league; just like you can buy a house that is financially above your means. But why would you want to? You will probably end up putting more work into making her happy than you would just finding someone you can enjoy. And the girls that have creeped me out recently are like the houses without floors; they are probably right for someone but not me.
So this is my second housing/love metaphor I've used in my life (the other one was my best man toast). And I realized for several years I was treating women like they were lifeboats; I just had to find one and then I would be good and I would just grow to like it. Because I had a strange equation in my head, "Chicks have boobs; boobs are awesome; therefore all chicks must be awesome." But I realized recently that some chicks are so unawesome that they kind of negate the awesomeness of their boobs. So all this time I kind of thought there was something wrong with me and so I just wanted to find out what was wrong with me (which as most women will tell you is a LOT of things). But hey, there has to be someone who would find something they like about me and who knows they might like me for some of the "flaws" I have; I just haven't found her yet. And I noticed that looking for Ms. Right is kind of a wasted effort; I think I'll just know her when I find her. But I don't think that will stop me from misunderstandings, mixed messages, getting dissed, etc. that you have all come to enjoy.
ENOUGH OF THIS MUSHY SHIT! WHO WANTS TO CRASH A HALLOWEEN PARTY?!? Hahahah just kidding!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Temporary Hiatus so I can get my Foot out of my Mouth...
I'm a dick, I admit it. I got so pumped after a few people had told me they really enjoyed the things I wrote and then they said they were going to tell their friends about it, etc. I got too excited, but I realized my newest entry was almost a month old (generally people read the newest entry and not older entries, not that those are really topical right now anyway). So I decided to write about the balloon boy and his family. After long hard work, proving that the family wasn't just seeking publicity; researching, thinking of witty things to say, then less than 3 hours after I finished it they admit it was a hoax. So I look stupid and why? Just for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. So struggling to make this NOT the last post that people would see if they visited I hastily did a stupid story about people who lie when it doesn't make any sense to. Then I thought how stupid that story was and so I made another story about my plans for Halloween. At least I got to use some jokes in it, but I drew from personal experiences and I made fun of a friend who totally didn't deserve it. There are generally 13 people who read these things unless it really takes off and then it's in the 30's (I get statistical reports that tell me how many people read this). I knew it wasn't going to take off, it was just a Band-aid I put over a story that made me look like a jackass and another that was really stupid.
So an innocent victim of my rant was a lady who invited me to her party, but I got rubbed the wrong way when I told her I would try to make it to her party and she said "cool" just like that with no punctuation all in lower cases. I interpreted it as, "You got a pity invite, I don't want you to come that much anyway." Well she was one of the lucky 13 who was reading this and after I spent a paragraph talking shit about her; I was shocked that she reads this, every conversation I've ever had with her has been about how she doesn't give a shit what I say or what I do. I'm fucking baffled that someone who went to such lengths to prove she didn't care if I fell of a fucking cliff each day READS this. My best friends don't even read this, well one of them does, but my Dad doesn't even read this. So I'm wondering if her friends maybe tipped her off, but I don't use her name and only a few people besides her would be able to make the connection. Or it wasn't her, but it sounded like something she'd say, and I got uninvited from that party real quick. I know so little about women, she could even have been a closet fan and it wasn't until I fucking blew it did I even realize this. It also could be that she was just bored and decided to look at it and it was just unlucky she got this one.
I apologized and I am totally in the wrong and what I did was totally wrong. But I need to defend myself a little; I was only sticking up for myself. Right now especially I'm a very easy target, people know they can treat me like garbage at any time and they will still maintain the upper hand. I don't have a job and even when I did, I was on the cusp of there being one thing I could say or one thing I could do and they would never talk to me again. I may be a total dick, but I'm at least enough of a friend as to where I can forgive people for doing things like this to me. In fact the lady in question used to do "impressions" of me and I confronted her and she said, "I thought we were friends and you could trust that I wouldn't do something like that." And then her friends and my boss told me what the impression was; even though it was some weak ass bullshit about how I say 'like' too much, that shit still hurt. I didn't want to work in the office for a few days after that. And so she did an impression of me and lied to my face about it, and it was like she didn't think I could ever figure it out, but her friends told me what it was even. But I let that slide, because it's not worth making an enemy over, life's too short. But now it's like, I don't really bring anything to the table so even more so than before I'm forced to just let people say whatever the fuck they want to me. Your party sounds fun, "cool, just don't hang around too long it's more of a pity invite"; did you like the present I got you, "It's not something I'm into." That shit hurts, and I have no recourse, you're just preying on someone who can't do anything about it. That's what I hate most about being an unproductive member of society is that people will use any avenue and every excuse they can to not be your friend; to distance themselves from being the one who should be helping or saying supportive things or shit even feeling sorry for them.
Okay but this is supposed to be an apology also so sorry for having to bring up old shit to prove my point (not that I think she will continue to read this after what I did). But if you are, I wouldn't ever crash your party, that was a joke. I was very flattered you gave me an invite to your party and I genuinely did think it would have been fun. Ugh, and again happy birthday (yes, I am dick, I already know). But I personally promise even if there is no way they could actually stumble upon this I will never again make fun of someone I know personally (I might still make fun of people I don't know, but it won't be personal, just situational). I also am promising that I won't rush to put things out just because it's been a while. I'm going to wait until shit's suspenseful and actually worth reading... starting after this post. So that being said I will be postponing my blog indefinitely until I find something good to write about.
So an innocent victim of my rant was a lady who invited me to her party, but I got rubbed the wrong way when I told her I would try to make it to her party and she said "cool" just like that with no punctuation all in lower cases. I interpreted it as, "You got a pity invite, I don't want you to come that much anyway." Well she was one of the lucky 13 who was reading this and after I spent a paragraph talking shit about her; I was shocked that she reads this, every conversation I've ever had with her has been about how she doesn't give a shit what I say or what I do. I'm fucking baffled that someone who went to such lengths to prove she didn't care if I fell of a fucking cliff each day READS this. My best friends don't even read this, well one of them does, but my Dad doesn't even read this. So I'm wondering if her friends maybe tipped her off, but I don't use her name and only a few people besides her would be able to make the connection. Or it wasn't her, but it sounded like something she'd say, and I got uninvited from that party real quick. I know so little about women, she could even have been a closet fan and it wasn't until I fucking blew it did I even realize this. It also could be that she was just bored and decided to look at it and it was just unlucky she got this one.
I apologized and I am totally in the wrong and what I did was totally wrong. But I need to defend myself a little; I was only sticking up for myself. Right now especially I'm a very easy target, people know they can treat me like garbage at any time and they will still maintain the upper hand. I don't have a job and even when I did, I was on the cusp of there being one thing I could say or one thing I could do and they would never talk to me again. I may be a total dick, but I'm at least enough of a friend as to where I can forgive people for doing things like this to me. In fact the lady in question used to do "impressions" of me and I confronted her and she said, "I thought we were friends and you could trust that I wouldn't do something like that." And then her friends and my boss told me what the impression was; even though it was some weak ass bullshit about how I say 'like' too much, that shit still hurt. I didn't want to work in the office for a few days after that. And so she did an impression of me and lied to my face about it, and it was like she didn't think I could ever figure it out, but her friends told me what it was even. But I let that slide, because it's not worth making an enemy over, life's too short. But now it's like, I don't really bring anything to the table so even more so than before I'm forced to just let people say whatever the fuck they want to me. Your party sounds fun, "cool, just don't hang around too long it's more of a pity invite"; did you like the present I got you, "It's not something I'm into." That shit hurts, and I have no recourse, you're just preying on someone who can't do anything about it. That's what I hate most about being an unproductive member of society is that people will use any avenue and every excuse they can to not be your friend; to distance themselves from being the one who should be helping or saying supportive things or shit even feeling sorry for them.
Okay but this is supposed to be an apology also so sorry for having to bring up old shit to prove my point (not that I think she will continue to read this after what I did). But if you are, I wouldn't ever crash your party, that was a joke. I was very flattered you gave me an invite to your party and I genuinely did think it would have been fun. Ugh, and again happy birthday (yes, I am dick, I already know). But I personally promise even if there is no way they could actually stumble upon this I will never again make fun of someone I know personally (I might still make fun of people I don't know, but it won't be personal, just situational). I also am promising that I won't rush to put things out just because it's been a while. I'm going to wait until shit's suspenseful and actually worth reading... starting after this post. So that being said I will be postponing my blog indefinitely until I find something good to write about.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Things to do in Denver when You're Undead
I don't get it, I love Halloween but I'm not looking forward to this one as much as I should. My aunt is making me an awesome costume, and finally I decided to have a scary costume so all the elements are there. But I got invited to 3 parties that I'd like to go to and they are all on Saturday. Now, usually I would go to the one I'm most likely to score at. But of course my definition of "scoring" has become very PG lately so I'm not even expecting much anyways. But all 3 of the parties are a total wash anyways since the L.O.S. (likelihood of scoring) percentage is less than 5% at each of the three parties. I guess it doesn't matter too much, because like my dick is actually afraid of girls now due to some horror stories I've observed over the week. But how many girls are "fake Facebook marriage" weird? Now is as good of a time as any to get over my fears I guess.
So I could go to my cousin's house, but I'm going to know every girl that will be there and if any of the past parties are any gauge most of the girls have in mind who they want to hook up with when they walk in the door. I don't think in my life has a girl ever shown up at a party to get a piece of ol' JKon, at least not since when I went to ASU. Now-a-days my L.O.S. goes up when a girl's B.A.C. goes up. Judge me all you want, I have glaring personality and physical defects; I get a fucking handicap, okay? But anyways, I'm "homies" with everyone (to a point) that would probably be at my cousin's house. But man, Halloween, New Years, Weddings and my birthday are about hooking up with chicks. It's like God said, "Here is a break, you can on one day of the year wear a mask until girls are drunk enough not to realize you are the obvious 'bad catch' of the night." NOT capitalizing on that would be like slapping God in the face. So my cousin's house would be very fun but it's more friend fun; but this is one of the 3-5 days a year when I have a leg up.
So party number two, the popular kids from my high school. Well I ended up catching back up with them through mutual friends and became a lot better friends than I ever was in high school, with the select few. You see I was like the biggest nerd in junior high and probably like the 3rd or 4th biggest in high school. In fact I went 4 full years saying only what was absolutely necessary because I was so sick of being the kid getting his ass kicked (as I was in junior high). One of the girls that went there thought I was mute and started signing to me, it was ridiculous, but a lot better than getting sucker punched when I walked out of shop class like I was used to. While I really like seeing the ones I was friends with, but most of the other people just remember I was a nerd and not the person you want to talk to. So I will have the whole night of talking to like 5 or 6 people who are very uninterested in what I have to say anyway. My popularity with the ladies will be the same level as when I went to high school, non-existent (which is a little better than it has been the past 3 years).
So the third party was with an old work friend, I was kind of surprised because she never seemed to like me very much. Well actually it was more like she didn't have any friends at her new job which she started like a couple months before me. So then I started talking to her and taking her to lunch. Well then all of a sudden when she was hanging out with me, other people started realizing she was fun. So then she kicked me to the motherfucking curb when she got more popular than me. But putting that behind me, I was like, "Damn, she really extended the olive branch there." So you know, burying the hatchet was a high priority to me. Even though there wouldn't be hardly any girls there, I would have just wanted to say hi and have a beer or 2. Well I see that lady on chat and I said, "hey I was thinking of stopping by if your party is early enough." She says to me, "cool" without any punctuations lower case. The only time you say that, is when it is NOT COOL. Why would this party be in contention? Because it's been almost a decade since I crashed the fuck out of a party. You don't want me there so bad, you're going to get me there, RUINING YOUR TIME! But that sounds like a lot of work, and I have to have a bunch of people with my back so I can be a dick... More trouble than it's worth to crash parties, especially when I actually got invited and have other parties to go to.
So what is the other idea, since these all fall on Saturday I need to find something to do on Friday and whenever, I mean it's the least I could do because I have 2 people besides myself helping me with this costume. So go to bars with costume contests? Ehhh... maybe, you know what sucks about them, is that they take forever and you have to be there with your costume on and fixing it as it falls apart all night... so you can lose to some douche bag regular who bought his costume at the store. I swear I've had three costumes where all night I heard, "you're going to win, that costume is awesome." And then I get whatever place you don't get shit (for instance if there is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd I'd get 4th; and if it was only a 1st prize I'd get 2nd). I remember one time I wanted to call shenanigans, this fucking lady was a "corpse bride" but she didn't have any teeth and looked like a meth-head before so the only part that was an actual costume was the wedding dress. Who knows though, maybe the Great Pumpkin, Jack Skellington, or God will throw me a bone this year (both with scoring and costume contests) but I really doubt it.
So I could go to my cousin's house, but I'm going to know every girl that will be there and if any of the past parties are any gauge most of the girls have in mind who they want to hook up with when they walk in the door. I don't think in my life has a girl ever shown up at a party to get a piece of ol' JKon, at least not since when I went to ASU. Now-a-days my L.O.S. goes up when a girl's B.A.C. goes up. Judge me all you want, I have glaring personality and physical defects; I get a fucking handicap, okay? But anyways, I'm "homies" with everyone (to a point) that would probably be at my cousin's house. But man, Halloween, New Years, Weddings and my birthday are about hooking up with chicks. It's like God said, "Here is a break, you can on one day of the year wear a mask until girls are drunk enough not to realize you are the obvious 'bad catch' of the night." NOT capitalizing on that would be like slapping God in the face. So my cousin's house would be very fun but it's more friend fun; but this is one of the 3-5 days a year when I have a leg up.
So party number two, the popular kids from my high school. Well I ended up catching back up with them through mutual friends and became a lot better friends than I ever was in high school, with the select few. You see I was like the biggest nerd in junior high and probably like the 3rd or 4th biggest in high school. In fact I went 4 full years saying only what was absolutely necessary because I was so sick of being the kid getting his ass kicked (as I was in junior high). One of the girls that went there thought I was mute and started signing to me, it was ridiculous, but a lot better than getting sucker punched when I walked out of shop class like I was used to. While I really like seeing the ones I was friends with, but most of the other people just remember I was a nerd and not the person you want to talk to. So I will have the whole night of talking to like 5 or 6 people who are very uninterested in what I have to say anyway. My popularity with the ladies will be the same level as when I went to high school, non-existent (which is a little better than it has been the past 3 years).
So the third party was with an old work friend, I was kind of surprised because she never seemed to like me very much. Well actually it was more like she didn't have any friends at her new job which she started like a couple months before me. So then I started talking to her and taking her to lunch. Well then all of a sudden when she was hanging out with me, other people started realizing she was fun. So then she kicked me to the motherfucking curb when she got more popular than me. But putting that behind me, I was like, "Damn, she really extended the olive branch there." So you know, burying the hatchet was a high priority to me. Even though there wouldn't be hardly any girls there, I would have just wanted to say hi and have a beer or 2. Well I see that lady on chat and I said, "hey I was thinking of stopping by if your party is early enough." She says to me, "cool" without any punctuations lower case. The only time you say that, is when it is NOT COOL. Why would this party be in contention? Because it's been almost a decade since I crashed the fuck out of a party. You don't want me there so bad, you're going to get me there, RUINING YOUR TIME! But that sounds like a lot of work, and I have to have a bunch of people with my back so I can be a dick... More trouble than it's worth to crash parties, especially when I actually got invited and have other parties to go to.
So what is the other idea, since these all fall on Saturday I need to find something to do on Friday and whenever, I mean it's the least I could do because I have 2 people besides myself helping me with this costume. So go to bars with costume contests? Ehhh... maybe, you know what sucks about them, is that they take forever and you have to be there with your costume on and fixing it as it falls apart all night... so you can lose to some douche bag regular who bought his costume at the store. I swear I've had three costumes where all night I heard, "you're going to win, that costume is awesome." And then I get whatever place you don't get shit (for instance if there is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd I'd get 4th; and if it was only a 1st prize I'd get 2nd). I remember one time I wanted to call shenanigans, this fucking lady was a "corpse bride" but she didn't have any teeth and looked like a meth-head before so the only part that was an actual costume was the wedding dress. Who knows though, maybe the Great Pumpkin, Jack Skellington, or God will throw me a bone this year (both with scoring and costume contests) but I really doubt it.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Retraction: Turns out my Balloon Boy Story was Full of Hot Air... Sorry...
Grrr... I just spent 5 hours on that last stupid post about the Heene family; I finished at about 6:00am and they just admitted it was a hoax a few hours later. This really clouded up the message I was trying to get across that it's like the more people who get pissed off at these media hyped cases the stiffer their punishment. If there is anything I can even salvage though is now the Heene family faces 6 years in prison, only because people are so pissed off; the charge as of yesterday was only a 3rd degree misdemeanor. This is like the 3rd time I've been lied to this week, I was originally going to write about them in detail but pen to paper it seems like I'm just bitching about people I know. So I scrapped them down to the main anecdote and who knows if you ask me about them I'll tell you, it's still kind of an interesting couple of stories but sort of off topic. They all had this same strange underlying theme in which it was actually a fucking weird story if they were telling the truth or lying, and also they made me look like a total Jackass!
One girl changes her Facebook status from single to married and changes her last name and tells all of her friends she went down to the court house and got married. But I called her sister to ask her about it and she calls her parents who confront her about it and she "swears to God" she isn't married. Which is weirder being fake married or lying to your parents about being married (as if it is some kind of secret she can keep her whole life)? And then there was this cute girl that worked at a restaurant near me and I was thinking about maybe asking her to do something sometime but I'm short on money and whatever. But you know if I came into possession of a couple of tickets for something I would have asked her to it, but no reason to rush it and have to scramble to find money and something to do. One day she asks me what I'm doing that day, and then she tells me about a concert, I thought she was asking me to go but then she said she couldn't go and didn't give me the tickets; just telling me she's wasting some concert tickets I suppose. And then she follows it up with asking what I'm doing on Sunday, and I said, "Nothing so far." She said, "I have tickets to the game." I was like, "Um... well do you need someone to go with?" and she said, "Oh trust me, I'm sure I can find someone to go with me." So what the fuck, either I WAY misunderstood what was going on but this is what it seemed like she was saying, "Hey what are you doing tonight? I have these concert tickets... Psyche! You can't go! But seriously, what are you doing Sunday? I have these Broncos tickets... But I'll be going with someone else; I just thought you'd like to know that I'm way better than you." I can understand if you say, "Hey what are you up to this weekend, cool, I'm going to the Rockies game I'm really excited." But when you narrow it down to a specific day it sounds like you are going to see if they have plans, "What are you doing Sunday at around 7? Oh that's cool, I'll be at the Tenacious D show with some other friends." The only thing weirder than improper misleading small talk is the fact that she wasn't at the game, she was eating at the same place she works at. What the fuck did she have to gain by pulling the rug out from under me like that. I mean, I saw her there and not at the game, I was there celebrating my 10,000th day of being alive... Yes, I am the first person to celebrate something like that!
But anyway, so now my wang is afraid of chicks, which sucks because chicks are like the only thing I even like. Great job fucking crazy ass liar girls, and as for the fucking Heene family, since when is reality a fucking episode of Scooby Doo? I saw the sheriff on the TV and this is what his press conference was like, "Um... yeah I was just like pretending to be their friends so that they would tell me they faked it; you know they never fooled me. I was just like pretending to look but I totally knew it was fake but I didn't want to say anything and make everyone feel stupid." Um, yeah fucking right! But I'm the only one who stuck up for them and PUBLISHED it so now I look like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Ugh, this is karma for bragging about knowing that the boy wasn't on the balloon.
One girl changes her Facebook status from single to married and changes her last name and tells all of her friends she went down to the court house and got married. But I called her sister to ask her about it and she calls her parents who confront her about it and she "swears to God" she isn't married. Which is weirder being fake married or lying to your parents about being married (as if it is some kind of secret she can keep her whole life)? And then there was this cute girl that worked at a restaurant near me and I was thinking about maybe asking her to do something sometime but I'm short on money and whatever. But you know if I came into possession of a couple of tickets for something I would have asked her to it, but no reason to rush it and have to scramble to find money and something to do. One day she asks me what I'm doing that day, and then she tells me about a concert, I thought she was asking me to go but then she said she couldn't go and didn't give me the tickets; just telling me she's wasting some concert tickets I suppose. And then she follows it up with asking what I'm doing on Sunday, and I said, "Nothing so far." She said, "I have tickets to the game." I was like, "Um... well do you need someone to go with?" and she said, "Oh trust me, I'm sure I can find someone to go with me." So what the fuck, either I WAY misunderstood what was going on but this is what it seemed like she was saying, "Hey what are you doing tonight? I have these concert tickets... Psyche! You can't go! But seriously, what are you doing Sunday? I have these Broncos tickets... But I'll be going with someone else; I just thought you'd like to know that I'm way better than you." I can understand if you say, "Hey what are you up to this weekend, cool, I'm going to the Rockies game I'm really excited." But when you narrow it down to a specific day it sounds like you are going to see if they have plans, "What are you doing Sunday at around 7? Oh that's cool, I'll be at the Tenacious D show with some other friends." The only thing weirder than improper misleading small talk is the fact that she wasn't at the game, she was eating at the same place she works at. What the fuck did she have to gain by pulling the rug out from under me like that. I mean, I saw her there and not at the game, I was there celebrating my 10,000th day of being alive... Yes, I am the first person to celebrate something like that!
But anyway, so now my wang is afraid of chicks, which sucks because chicks are like the only thing I even like. Great job fucking crazy ass liar girls, and as for the fucking Heene family, since when is reality a fucking episode of Scooby Doo? I saw the sheriff on the TV and this is what his press conference was like, "Um... yeah I was just like pretending to be their friends so that they would tell me they faked it; you know they never fooled me. I was just like pretending to look but I totally knew it was fake but I didn't want to say anything and make everyone feel stupid." Um, yeah fucking right! But I'm the only one who stuck up for them and PUBLISHED it so now I look like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Ugh, this is karma for bragging about knowing that the boy wasn't on the balloon.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Guilty of Being Hyped
If anyone ever wants to know if I want to be rich or famous; I'll fucking be the first to say RICH NOT FAMOUS. People say if you're famous you can get away with anything, fuck that, if you're rich you can get away with anything. Look at Enron, they steal millions and the law's hands are tied. If I went out and suck up a convenience store for $200 I'd be getting felt-up by my 300-pound cellmate before I even got to spend it all. But, look at Ken Lay, he stole millions and died of old age before he was even arraigned! That's the power of wealth. But if you're famous, you might get the other shoe, you might get an example made out of you.
It happened to Michael Vick, he got 2 years for dog fighting and Donte Stallworth killed a guy with a .126 B.A.C. and was sentenced to 30 days but only had to serve 24 days. It's all about the hype, that makes your sentence. Now I'm sure you've all heard about the balloon boy, if you haven't here is what happened, a science loving family wanted made a weather balloon or something and it became unmoored and one of the children went missing. One of the brothers said that the kid was inside of the balloon and military, police and the media tracked the balloon for the millions watching from their homes. People's hearts sank when it finally landed and the boy was not on board. At this point I decided to go out and start my day and I heard about it everywhere, and with good reason, it's a very strange and unsettling story. Though I can't actually prove this, you just have to take my word for it but I said, "it's probably just a case of him letting the balloon go being scared and hiding." And according to a report about two hours later I was totally right. I'm glad I was right, that is an awful thing to happen to anyone, and it would be terrible to think if the boy had fallen out. But was I staring into the future on some weird psychic premonition? I wish I could say I was, but the truth is, when I read that it was a child saying that the boy was in the balloon and nobody else could corroborate the story I started to get suspicious.
Kids say the darnedest things, they even had a show about it. I remember they had this one where a boy tells Bill Cosby he has over 30 girlfriends... Did anyone boo him or was anyone jealous of him? NO! He's a fucking kid, he wasn't expected to have a crystal clear grasp of the implications of his statement or even an accurate picture of the world and his place in it. A kid says he saw his brother climb in to the mini zeppelin; does that mean he's a lying? He doesn't even have to be, he could be mistaken, he could be joking or playing and didn't realize the gravity of the situation (pun obviously not intended). Look at Up or James and the Giant Peach and tell me that to a kid that doesn't seem like fun? The idea of floating away in a balloon probably is completely different to a kid than an adult. But then I saw these things:
http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-heene-announcement-101709,0,1230222.story
(This is the Fox story which is written in fucking Sanskrit or something)
http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=125161&catid=339
(Here is another version which is legible but lacks the accusatory tone of the first one)
They want to charge this family with a crime now. This sends an awesome message, if your kids are missing don't waste the police's time EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY ARE FLOATING IN A BALLOON 1,000 FEET IN THE AIR! I don't know what the fuck people are thinking sometimes with this. People wonder why there are families that don't immediately report their missing children, but it's obvious now the media will crucify them either way. We can't even go an entire week just focusing on the good things, the police responded quickly, air traffic cleared the way, the military did their job. But if you INSIST on pointing the finger, point it at the police officers, they had nothing better to do but sit around and wait. You want to tell me in 5 fucking hours nobody bothered to sweep the house again, especially after they realized the kid wasn't in the balloon? There is this thing called Occam's razor, the simplest explanation is the best, one with the least amount of assumptions; every dumbass who has taken a freshman level critical thinking class in college has a different idea of what exactly it means, but if you have two theories the one that is the simplest is probably the right one. Think about it, a 6-year-old boy was lifted by a weather balloon that couldn't lift 19 pounds or the eye witness testimony of a preschooler isn't exactly iron-clad. There really is no excuse if you can investigate both at the same time anyway.
But as for all the people claiming this was a publicity stunt; that shit is just funny to me, we fucking gave it publicity. Think of how stupid the story is, a kid says another kid is in a balloon and it turns out he isn't. If they planned it, they would have had to know the outcome and realize there is no foundation to that story and people would forget it in a few weeks. No person smart enough to build a weather balloon would be stupid enough to think they could ride that accomplishment their whole life. The outcome of such a strange and unusual story would be impossible to predict, unless you were to know the outcome (lest we forget who did, ha ha). But people were saying that in a CNN interview the boy said he thought it was for a show or something to that effect. That could mean anything, as far as I'm concerned you can't always believe what kids say, I can even remember this one time a while back where a kid said HIS BROTHER WAS IN A WEATHER BALLOON WHEN HE WASN'T! Besides he was on a show once, a reality show called WifeSwap, and since he was a very young boy and it was a reality show and there was a media circus on his front lawn reporting on 'reality'; there is a million conclusions he could have reached, and at his age how does he even parse out reality from fiction? And the Fox article (which reads like bathroom graffiti and frankly makes me seem like I'm writing Shakespeare) kind of eluded to the fact that the boy has to play sick so he doesn't have to do any interviews, Ha, I wonder why that is? Think of this disgusting metaphor for the sensationalist media, seasoned journalists bugging the shit out of a six year-old for an interview to the point he has to throw up... twice... You go Wolf Blitzer, nail that fucking kid, Americans need a confession, I mean look at how much time we invested into caring for him and his family. Nobody deserves to be cared for, unless they actually are the victims of a tragedy!
Oh by the way, I just want to thank all of the people who were outside PROTESTING when the Heene father was inside the police station, you guys really made me feel like a better person for not being you. It's one thing to be upset you were possibly sort of deceived, but I was just thinking how fucking petty it was to go out and buy signs, think of a clever slogan, paint them, staple them to a piece of wood, find a parking place, stand outside in the cold and wait for him to come out so he can see how upset you are... That is just so funny to me that you would say, "Yes this is what I'm going to do with my with my day today! I'm going to wait outside here until he comes out, all day if I have to, so I can give him a piece of my mind for wasting my time. There he is, the man who may or may not have lied to us to just get attention, everyone stop what you are doing and Boo that man!" I'd love to just know what right people think they have anyway, how many of those people actually volunteered to help find that boy? How many of those people even helped them because it was their job and they were getting paid? How many of their lives were even slightly affected by this? Probably none, people just loved to be pissed off at something. "Lying six year-olds and weather balloons, BOOOOOO!"
It happened to Michael Vick, he got 2 years for dog fighting and Donte Stallworth killed a guy with a .126 B.A.C. and was sentenced to 30 days but only had to serve 24 days. It's all about the hype, that makes your sentence. Now I'm sure you've all heard about the balloon boy, if you haven't here is what happened, a science loving family wanted made a weather balloon or something and it became unmoored and one of the children went missing. One of the brothers said that the kid was inside of the balloon and military, police and the media tracked the balloon for the millions watching from their homes. People's hearts sank when it finally landed and the boy was not on board. At this point I decided to go out and start my day and I heard about it everywhere, and with good reason, it's a very strange and unsettling story. Though I can't actually prove this, you just have to take my word for it but I said, "it's probably just a case of him letting the balloon go being scared and hiding." And according to a report about two hours later I was totally right. I'm glad I was right, that is an awful thing to happen to anyone, and it would be terrible to think if the boy had fallen out. But was I staring into the future on some weird psychic premonition? I wish I could say I was, but the truth is, when I read that it was a child saying that the boy was in the balloon and nobody else could corroborate the story I started to get suspicious.
Kids say the darnedest things, they even had a show about it. I remember they had this one where a boy tells Bill Cosby he has over 30 girlfriends... Did anyone boo him or was anyone jealous of him? NO! He's a fucking kid, he wasn't expected to have a crystal clear grasp of the implications of his statement or even an accurate picture of the world and his place in it. A kid says he saw his brother climb in to the mini zeppelin; does that mean he's a lying? He doesn't even have to be, he could be mistaken, he could be joking or playing and didn't realize the gravity of the situation (pun obviously not intended). Look at Up or James and the Giant Peach and tell me that to a kid that doesn't seem like fun? The idea of floating away in a balloon probably is completely different to a kid than an adult. But then I saw these things:
http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-heene-announcement-101709,0,1230222.story
(This is the Fox story which is written in fucking Sanskrit or something)
http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=125161&catid=339
(Here is another version which is legible but lacks the accusatory tone of the first one)
They want to charge this family with a crime now. This sends an awesome message, if your kids are missing don't waste the police's time EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY ARE FLOATING IN A BALLOON 1,000 FEET IN THE AIR! I don't know what the fuck people are thinking sometimes with this. People wonder why there are families that don't immediately report their missing children, but it's obvious now the media will crucify them either way. We can't even go an entire week just focusing on the good things, the police responded quickly, air traffic cleared the way, the military did their job. But if you INSIST on pointing the finger, point it at the police officers, they had nothing better to do but sit around and wait. You want to tell me in 5 fucking hours nobody bothered to sweep the house again, especially after they realized the kid wasn't in the balloon? There is this thing called Occam's razor, the simplest explanation is the best, one with the least amount of assumptions; every dumbass who has taken a freshman level critical thinking class in college has a different idea of what exactly it means, but if you have two theories the one that is the simplest is probably the right one. Think about it, a 6-year-old boy was lifted by a weather balloon that couldn't lift 19 pounds or the eye witness testimony of a preschooler isn't exactly iron-clad. There really is no excuse if you can investigate both at the same time anyway.
But as for all the people claiming this was a publicity stunt; that shit is just funny to me, we fucking gave it publicity. Think of how stupid the story is, a kid says another kid is in a balloon and it turns out he isn't. If they planned it, they would have had to know the outcome and realize there is no foundation to that story and people would forget it in a few weeks. No person smart enough to build a weather balloon would be stupid enough to think they could ride that accomplishment their whole life. The outcome of such a strange and unusual story would be impossible to predict, unless you were to know the outcome (lest we forget who did, ha ha). But people were saying that in a CNN interview the boy said he thought it was for a show or something to that effect. That could mean anything, as far as I'm concerned you can't always believe what kids say, I can even remember this one time a while back where a kid said HIS BROTHER WAS IN A WEATHER BALLOON WHEN HE WASN'T! Besides he was on a show once, a reality show called WifeSwap, and since he was a very young boy and it was a reality show and there was a media circus on his front lawn reporting on 'reality'; there is a million conclusions he could have reached, and at his age how does he even parse out reality from fiction? And the Fox article (which reads like bathroom graffiti and frankly makes me seem like I'm writing Shakespeare) kind of eluded to the fact that the boy has to play sick so he doesn't have to do any interviews, Ha, I wonder why that is? Think of this disgusting metaphor for the sensationalist media, seasoned journalists bugging the shit out of a six year-old for an interview to the point he has to throw up... twice... You go Wolf Blitzer, nail that fucking kid, Americans need a confession, I mean look at how much time we invested into caring for him and his family. Nobody deserves to be cared for, unless they actually are the victims of a tragedy!
Oh by the way, I just want to thank all of the people who were outside PROTESTING when the Heene father was inside the police station, you guys really made me feel like a better person for not being you. It's one thing to be upset you were possibly sort of deceived, but I was just thinking how fucking petty it was to go out and buy signs, think of a clever slogan, paint them, staple them to a piece of wood, find a parking place, stand outside in the cold and wait for him to come out so he can see how upset you are... That is just so funny to me that you would say, "Yes this is what I'm going to do with my with my day today! I'm going to wait outside here until he comes out, all day if I have to, so I can give him a piece of my mind for wasting my time. There he is, the man who may or may not have lied to us to just get attention, everyone stop what you are doing and Boo that man!" I'd love to just know what right people think they have anyway, how many of those people actually volunteered to help find that boy? How many of those people even helped them because it was their job and they were getting paid? How many of their lives were even slightly affected by this? Probably none, people just loved to be pissed off at something. "Lying six year-olds and weather balloons, BOOOOOO!"
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I Just Got Back From the Rap Game and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
There is something wrong with America, and I'm not talking like there is a group of people or a trend breaking apart the fabric of America. I'm talking about like if America was personified as a human being (who would likely look kind of like Uncle Sam but maybe a little younger, I mean it would be his nephew) well if I saw that guy, he'd be looking a little down in the dumps, long in the face, like a rolling stone with no moss gathered under him. Okay that last phrase I turned, I'll be honest I really don't know what it means. But back to the point, America is sad, and I'd be like, "why so blue America?" And America would say to me "Ah, it's nothing I just saw this bullshit on the Internet, fucked up my whole day, here take a look:" Almost as if he somehow knew I'd be able to post it right after he said that.
If you want to get further nauseated you can look at some of his other Alvin and the Chipmunks-esque early 90's ebonic gibberish as he brandishes his BB gun. I think he is sort of confused, kids and maybe even young adults may sort of fear him because he's a pain in the ass little kid with a BB gun... and honestly who wants to get shot with a BB gun. So he thinks he is one of these people he sees all the time on the TV, telling him to cut corners and perfect his rap game, sling dope and he can have all the success he needs. You hear conspiracy theories all the time, the government engineered A.I.D.S., introduced crack to urban communities, etc. If "The Man" really wanted to keep us down he wouldn't be framing O.J. the real idea is way more sinister.
Sell people the image that says, "drop out of school, work on your rhymes, you'll make more than your teachers as soon as you break into the rap game." You see it on 8 Mile, you go through like 4 hours of trials and tribulations and all of a sudden you light up someone in an MC battle and Dr. Dre parachutes in from the sky with a record contract. There are some exceptions like Nas and Lupe Fiasco, but for the most part education is considered as gangster as wetting the bed. I have always hated Kanye West, even before it was cool, even before he said Bush doesn't care about black people (as if it was his idea to send the hurricane there). His mother, the chair of Chicago State's English department, was pretty much was able to put Kanye through college, but he still dropped out. He even named his album "The College Dropout" as if it's something to be proud of. Can you even imagine how many people dream of being able to go to college? And for that matter, I think that before a celebrity tries to wax intellectual (especially about politics), they should be required to have a for real college degree; not one of those bullshit honorary degrees either. Not to say that all honorary degrees are bullshit, but the ones they give to celebrities are. Do you know what happens to uneducated idiots that sit around waiting for a record contract?
I hope you're happy Kanye West, you made this... He might as well put your name on the credits. I know what you're wondering what hardcore hood is this coming out of? Manistee, Michigan; you may have heard of it, there was this one time when this one dude ripped this girl's heart out for no reason. But if you want to cry you can visit this guy's Myspace page and see all the "please sign me to a record label" things strewn about the page. You know, I will never again give ICP props on anything but I will on this. I was watching an interview with them and they were saying how Eminem got discovered but they never did, and they worked hard and made their own label. But it's obvious that most people are just content to wait for P. Diddy's limo to break down in Bumfuck, Michigan and wait for him to have a tear well up in his eyes and say, "my God, what is that enchanting sound? Such amazingly innovative flows, hath an angel fallen to earth? Nay, it be a mortal man! I'll pay any price for it, I must have that sound, as a man so fortunate to hear these words it is my duty, nay, my obligation to share it with the world! God be praised!"
GFY means go fuck yourself? I thought it was "good for you." Well anyway, the rap game may not have gotten him on magazine covers, but it sure did get him a kick ass shirt. "I want people to come off the street and be 'oh, you're ButtaScotch Swirl, you did that music video, Ur Sucha Bitch!'" I think it's only a matter of time before that happens.
If you want to get further nauseated you can look at some of his other Alvin and the Chipmunks-esque early 90's ebonic gibberish as he brandishes his BB gun. I think he is sort of confused, kids and maybe even young adults may sort of fear him because he's a pain in the ass little kid with a BB gun... and honestly who wants to get shot with a BB gun. So he thinks he is one of these people he sees all the time on the TV, telling him to cut corners and perfect his rap game, sling dope and he can have all the success he needs. You hear conspiracy theories all the time, the government engineered A.I.D.S., introduced crack to urban communities, etc. If "The Man" really wanted to keep us down he wouldn't be framing O.J. the real idea is way more sinister.
Sell people the image that says, "drop out of school, work on your rhymes, you'll make more than your teachers as soon as you break into the rap game." You see it on 8 Mile, you go through like 4 hours of trials and tribulations and all of a sudden you light up someone in an MC battle and Dr. Dre parachutes in from the sky with a record contract. There are some exceptions like Nas and Lupe Fiasco, but for the most part education is considered as gangster as wetting the bed. I have always hated Kanye West, even before it was cool, even before he said Bush doesn't care about black people (as if it was his idea to send the hurricane there). His mother, the chair of Chicago State's English department, was pretty much was able to put Kanye through college, but he still dropped out. He even named his album "The College Dropout" as if it's something to be proud of. Can you even imagine how many people dream of being able to go to college? And for that matter, I think that before a celebrity tries to wax intellectual (especially about politics), they should be required to have a for real college degree; not one of those bullshit honorary degrees either. Not to say that all honorary degrees are bullshit, but the ones they give to celebrities are. Do you know what happens to uneducated idiots that sit around waiting for a record contract?
I hope you're happy Kanye West, you made this... He might as well put your name on the credits. I know what you're wondering what hardcore hood is this coming out of? Manistee, Michigan; you may have heard of it, there was this one time when this one dude ripped this girl's heart out for no reason. But if you want to cry you can visit this guy's Myspace page and see all the "please sign me to a record label" things strewn about the page. You know, I will never again give ICP props on anything but I will on this. I was watching an interview with them and they were saying how Eminem got discovered but they never did, and they worked hard and made their own label. But it's obvious that most people are just content to wait for P. Diddy's limo to break down in Bumfuck, Michigan and wait for him to have a tear well up in his eyes and say, "my God, what is that enchanting sound? Such amazingly innovative flows, hath an angel fallen to earth? Nay, it be a mortal man! I'll pay any price for it, I must have that sound, as a man so fortunate to hear these words it is my duty, nay, my obligation to share it with the world! God be praised!"
GFY means go fuck yourself? I thought it was "good for you." Well anyway, the rap game may not have gotten him on magazine covers, but it sure did get him a kick ass shirt. "I want people to come off the street and be 'oh, you're ButtaScotch Swirl, you did that music video, Ur Sucha Bitch!'" I think it's only a matter of time before that happens.
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